Saturday, March 16, 2013

Public Service Announcement

It's already been said, but it bears repeating, so listen up fellas:

Women are people too. We have thoughts, feelings, concerns, priorities, and rights just like men.

I say that to say this:

We owe you nothing.

Which means, we do not have to respond to you. We are not required to reciprocate your attention in any way.

This is true whether you're saying "hello", or paying a compliment, or taking it upon yourself to tell a woman you've never seen before exactly how you'd like to fuck her.

Oh yes. This happens. More often than you'd think. But I'm willing to assume that you're not the kind of guy who would do such a thing, because I imagine that kind of guy doesn't possess the necessary reading comprehension skills to make it this far in a blog post.

So. Assuming you're the kind of guy who simply says "hi" to random women on the street, and assuming you've been wondering why some women completely ignore you, and assuming that you're interested in listening to one woman's opinion ... let's get to it, shall we?

As people, we women aren't always interested in striking up conversations with random men on the street. Sometimes, we're just trying to get from point A to point B... preferably without a strange man offering his opinion on our appearance.

Now I don't presume to speak for all women here, because, as people, we have  very distinct preferences, likes and dislikes. I'm just trying to explain why some women may be playing deaf when you greet them.

The important thing to remember is that women are not decorations sprinkled liberally across the earth for your viewing pleasure. We're people. Just like you. So, just as you have the right to choose which random women you speak to, we have the right to choose which random men we speak to. Sometimes those choices aren't going to coincide, and your overtures - however polite - are going to be ignored.

Now, you're right to feel a bit miffed about that. After all,  you just offered your kindest hello to an attractive woman and she didn't favor you with so much as a passing glance. But remember, that's her right. It's not polite, but it's her right.

But why wouldn't a woman respond to a simple "hello" or "good afternoon"? I imagine there are a lot of reasons, some nice, some not so nice. But remember, I can't speak for womankind, so here - in no particular order - are some of the reasons why I sometimes (oftentimes) don't respond:

1. I'm not in the mood: Maybe I'm having a bad day. Maybe I'm not feeling very well. Whatever the cause, I'm just not in the mood to interact with strangers at the moment. Don't take it personally, it's not about you.

2. I'm busy: If I'm on the phone, talking to a friend or in the middle of making a purchase, I'm not in a position to talk to you right now. Repeating yourself loudly isn't going to help matters.

3. I'm afraid to encourage you: All too often, any response to something as simple as "hello" somehow seems to send the message that it's open season and the next thing I hear is how much this strange man likes my breasts, legs, ass, etc. So Peter pays for Paul and I generally don't respond.

On the off chance that a few of the less respectful men happened to posses the literacy skills to make it this far, let me point a few more things out:

1. Every woman does not like to be called "sexy", "baby" and "darling" by men they do not know. We also don't all enjoy being summoned by whichever physical attribute you noticed first. So, "shorty", "tallest", "thicky", "slim", "reds", "darkie", "rasta-woman", etc are not going to endear you to every woman you try them on. Especially when they aren't accurate.

2. We're not all flattered by the fact that strange men want to fuck us. Some of us seem to have the crazy idea that there's more to us than physical appearance (because it's true). It's great that you like the way we look, but there's nothing wrong with keeping that revelation to yourself. We can live without your flattery. Plus, we can feel you staring. Cut it out.

3. Sooting/whistling is the appropriate manner to summon a dog. Not a woman. Cut it out.

4. Yelling at a woman from across the street is embarrassing. For you. Even if you don't know it. What are you trying to accomplish, anyway?

Now, I don't want you to think that all of this means that you should never approach a woman you don't know. Quite the contrary. How else are you supposed to meet the love of your life?

What I'm saying is that - because women are human beings - we'd appreciate it if you'd treat us with respect. And, when you do, but you still don't get the desired response, we'd love it if you could remember that we have a right not to reciprocate. Because - just like you - we're allowed not to be interested in the people who are interested in us.

Because we're people too.


  1. Replies
    1. Thanks!

      I had a particularly unpleasant experience with two men this evening that reminded me how oblivious some people are to the simple fact that women are human beings too.

  2. Saying hello or good morning isn't a pick up line, it's called being mannerly. So as much as you have some good points about not reciprocating affection, there are no excuses for being rude and unmannerly.

    1. It is in fact a pick-up line for many men. I know this because any response at all (including a reciprocal "hello") is often treated as an open the door for an unwanted conversation/pick-up.

      Hard truth: Women don't have to conform to anyone's idea of "mannerly". It's our right to respond (or not) as we see fit.